When Insults Had Class

Discussion in 'The Watering Hole' started by Hauki, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. Hauki

    Hauki Regular

    Dec 2, 2011
    Somerset, England
    When Insults Had Class

    These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

    The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

    She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

    He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

    Another attributed to Winston in a Parliament session.

    "Mr Churchill, you are drunk!"
    "And you madam are ugly. But in the morning I will be sober."

    A Member of Parliament to Winston Churchill in the House of Commons toilet,

    "Sir, at Eton we were taught to wash our hands after going to the toilet."
    Churchill replied,
    "At Harrow we were taught not to pee on our hands"

    A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

    "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

    "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
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  2. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator Subscribing Member

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    I love them all.
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  3. BBW

    BBW Administrator Emeritus

    Jul 7, 2010
    betwixt and between

    Excellent, Herbert. I need to hone my language skills!
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  4. bartjeej

    bartjeej Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Nov 12, 2010
    haha thanks for these, they are indeed very creative!
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  5. Armanius

    Armanius Bring Jack back!

    Jan 11, 2011
    Houston, Texas
    Awesome post!
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  6. Great, thank you!
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  7. HeatherTheVet

    HeatherTheVet All-Pro

    Apr 23, 2011
    Sadly missing from Parliament today. Just watching the news and they are getting pretty close to an all out slagging match. Not very dignified or helpful.
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  8. Must be the same all over the world. Our lot are like a bunch of unruly schoolboys. Even the women.
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  9. greyelm

    greyelm All-Pro

    Oct 1, 2011
    London, England
    Churchill certainly had a way with words. Thanks for posting.

    I don't know who first said it but I like...

    "He has a good face for radio"
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  10. Will

    Will All-Pro

    Aug 30, 2010
    Actually I thought the Speaker was rather amusing when he suggested that one Right Honourable gentleman was getting a bit over excited and perhaps ought to have a lie down for a minute.
  11. olli

    olli Super Moderator Emeritus

    Sep 28, 2010
    Metro Manila
    One of my relatively recent favourites was Labour MP Dennis Healey's response to criticism from Conservative MP Geofrrey Howe: 'Like being savaged by a dead sheep'
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