Terrible Joke(s) 2 - probably not for the US lot - i.e. UK regional humour

Discussion in 'The Watering Hole' started by BillN, Nov 23, 2011.

  1. BillN

    BillN Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Aug 25, 2010
    S W France
    Taken from another Forum

    Scouser = a person from Liverpool

    No offence to any Liverpudlian - (they are Jokes!!)

    Jokes.... old ones

    Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
    A: It might be your bicycle

    Q: What do you call a Scouser in a suit?
    A: The accused.(yes i know it's an old one)

    Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
    A: Because if it walked it would be mugged.

    Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
    A: A burglar.

    Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
    A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. < My fav

    Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
    A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

    Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?
    A: Big Mac and fries please.

    Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night ?
    A: What are you looking at?

    Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit ?
    A: The Bride
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  2. soundimageplus

    soundimageplus Top Veteran

    Jul 6, 2010
    Since you've managed to insult Liverpudlians and you live in France, try this one. Very non-PC.

    God said I'm going to create this wonderful country. It will have a beautiful coastline with endless sandy beaches, wonderful mountain ranges, rivers and glorious scenery. I'm going to make the earth fertile and rich so it will grow wonderful food and produce wonderful wine. I'm going to make the climate almost perfect with warm sunshine, but not too dry and arid and give it snowfalls in the winter so people can go skiing. I'm going to call it France.

    All the other countries in Europe and the rest of the world immediately said, thats not fair, why should one country have all these riches?

    God said, don't worry I'm going to even it up. I'm going to let the French live there.
    • Like Like x 2
  3. HeatherTheVet

    HeatherTheVet All-Pro

    Apr 23, 2011
    Our version is -

    God said - I'm going to create this wonderful country. It will have a beautiful mountains that are the envy of the world, crystal rivers of pure sweet water, the people will be warm and friendly, great explorers and scientists, the earth will produce bountiful harvests of grain that can be turned into life-giving whisky. The earth will be so rich that you can even burn it for warmth and use it to smoke the tasty wild animals and fish I will fill the land and sea with. It shall be the envy of the world

    ST Peter said - surely that is unfair on the rest of the world, God, you must redress the balance! And God said - Oh don't worry! Wait till you see the neighbours I'm going to give them!
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  4. soundimageplus

    soundimageplus Top Veteran

    Jul 6, 2010
    Isn't that somewhat unfair to people who live in the Isle of Man?
  5. Will

    Will All-Pro

    Aug 30, 2010
    A group of Norwegians, Fins and Swedes were on a flight over a mountain range when the pilot misjudged the altitude and the bottom of the passenger compartment got ripped away leaving the passengers hanging on to the overhead lockers. One of the fuel tanks had also been ruptured and the pilot announced that if any of them were to survive they needed to loose some weight. Being a brave and selfless people the Fins agreed to sacrifice themselves and let go. The Swedes being a proud and conscientious people, obsessed with equal rights and socialist ideals decided that they couldn't allow the Fins to make the sacrifice alone and so decided to show solidarity with their brave neighbours and also let go.
    The Norwegians having kept to themselves all the while this was going on were feeling a bit guilty, but agreed that it was a futile gesture to join the Fins and the Swedes, even though they had been so brave and socially responsible. They decided however that it really wasn't acceptable to allow this amazing act of human kindness and self sacrifice to go un recognised, and coming as they did from a race of simple, decent folk they broke into a spontaneous round of applause.
  6. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator Subscribing Member

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    bwaaa-ha-ha. that's a good "visual" joke.
  7. Hauki

    Hauki Regular

    Dec 2, 2011
    Somerset, England
  8. dixeyk

    dixeyk Guest

    Hmmm....so bad jokes it? My two favorites...

    Q: What's brown and sticky
    A: A stick

    This fellow walks into a bar with a grasshopper on his head. He saunters over to the bar and the grasshopper looks at the bartender and says "I'd like a beer!". The bartender is dumbfounded and blurts out "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper looks at the bartender and says "You've got a drink named Steve?"
  9. Will

    Will All-Pro

    Aug 30, 2010
  10. drd1135

    drd1135 Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Jul 13, 2011
    Lexington, Virginia
    I've heard most of these with various US locations substituted. You fav was new, however, and will work well with many rural areas near me in Virginia.