Dipping a toe back in....

Discussion in 'Nikon' started by Livnius, Jul 22, 2016.

  1. Livnius

    Livnius Top Veteran Subscribing Member

    Jun 3, 2012
    Melbourne. Australia
    Hi Loungers.

    Been a while since I've posted, I've been busy coming to terms with a rather inconvenient bastard residing in my head...Anxiety! This unwelcome squatter made its way in entirely unannounced, like a bolt out of the blue, and has meant a total rethinking of how I go about living my life. Therapy, yoga, meditation, deep breathing practice...I never would have thought these things would one day be my life raft. I can honestly divide my life into 2 parts....my life before that first panic attack, and everything else ever since. It has been a hell of a ride these last 2 years, fluctuating between panic, blissful calm and back and forth again...never knowing what the next day, or even what the next hour will bring.

    Finding the courage and motivation to get out and shoot has been a personal Everest, last weekend however I did make the climb to fire off a few shots, my first in 8 months...whether the images produced were anything of note was not so important, getting back a tiny slice of my old life back was a big enough win.

    I hope your eyes find something here they enjoy.

    All shot with the Nikon D750....and a bunch of lenses (20/1.8, 35/1.4, 58/1.4, 135/2).

    27831945203_44607adb50_h.jpg Melbs-4 by Livnius, on Flickr

    28343110052_6605ac3c1d_h.jpg Melbs-5 by Livnius, on Flickr

    27831942153_ed9783e195_h.jpg Melbs-2 by Livnius, on Flickr

    28369485401_d1c584fcc9_h.jpg Melbs-6 by Livnius, on Flickr

    28369480401_cf19108057_h.jpg Melbs-3 by Livnius, on Flickr

    27831939223_eaadc29e2a_h.jpg Melbs by Livnius, on Flickr
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  2. Lightmancer

    Lightmancer Super Moderator Subscribing Member

    Aug 13, 2011
    Sunny Frimley
    Bill Palmer
    What a story. Thank you so much for sharing. We all have journeys to take and demons to deal with from time to time, large and small and it does help in some way to talk about it among friends. There are some superb images there - you have clearly not lost your touch. I did some research a few years ago into "Photo Therapy" (not to be confused with "phototherapy") and firmly believe there is something in it, I have simply not had the time to pursue. I'm delighted to see you posting again - welcome back!
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  3. bartjeej

    bartjeej Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Nov 12, 2010
    Welcome back, Joe! Sounds like you've had some intense years... Glad to see you finding the courage to shoot again, you have some really nice results there. I particularly like the second shot, with all the specular highlights in the background... quite magical!

    Hope you'll continue to progress and get back to a place where you're comfortable with yourself and the world!
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  4. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator Subscribing Member

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    number 2 looks like you have captured the torturous journey you have described.

    I had a few days like that about 10 years ago. I literally thought I was losing my mind. Luckily for me the very specific situation that caused the episode resolved itself and the feelings went away. Because I don't know how anyone could live like that. I'm glad to hear you're working through it. Thanks for sharing your difficult journey and these wonderful images. I've always enjoyed your photography.
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  5. Biro

    Biro Super Moderator

    Aug 7, 2011
    Jersey Shore
    Welcome back, Joe. You know you're always welcome here. I must congratulate you on your determination to reach something approaching "normal" (whatever that is) again. There's so much we all take for granted, isn't there? And the photos are great!
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  6. rayvonn

    rayvonn Top Veteran

    Jan 19, 2015
    Fantastic images. Good to see you back and best of luck from here on in.
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  7. christilou

    christilou Legend

    Jul 13, 2010
    Sunny Frimley
    Some very nice observations here, nice to see you back :) As a fellow sufferer I can appreciate what you're going through!
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  8. drd1135

    drd1135 Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Jul 13, 2011
    Lexington, Virginia
    Sorry to hear about your troubles. At least you haven't lost your eye. o_O I like #2 and #5 in particular.
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  9. dalethorn

    dalethorn Guest

    Excellent work!
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  10. donlaw

    donlaw All-Pro Subscribing Member

    Sep 14, 2012
    Nice to see your image. They look great.
    Take some more!
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  11. bilzmale

    bilzmale Super Moderator Emeritus Subscribing Member

    Jul 17, 2010
    Perth, Western Australia
    Bill Shinnick
    Welcome back Joe - good to see you back on the boards. I won't say I know how you have been feeling but I am accompanied daily by a mood disorder. I trust you are getting pro advice to help manage. Sometimes owning the condition publicly as you have just done can be therapeutic.
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  12. marlof

    marlof Trying to focus Subscribing Member

    Dec 25, 2010
    The Netherlands
    It's good to see you here again, Joe. I hope that you enjoyed the view from Mount Everest so much, that you'll keep on climbing.
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  13. Livnius

    Livnius Top Veteran Subscribing Member

    Jun 3, 2012
    Melbourne. Australia
    Thank you all so much for the kind words of support. With this condition being as it is, I deal with plenty of my own involuntary negativity...so it was a really positive feeling to have been able to go downtown and walk around with a calm mind and fire off a few shots, it's also a really positive feeling to be able to share the resulting photos. I hope to once again be able to enjoy doing this on a regular basis.
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  14. Matero

    Matero Top Veteran

    Jan 28, 2014
    Helsinki, Finland
    I so understand you. I lost my job year ago, although not financial disaster, yet, I fell in life I didn't know existed. I'd been working every day (not counting short vacations) since 13 year old. And suddenly I was not needed anymore. First I thought I could spend my time with camera, now that I had time, but soon lost interest to it, and needed all my energy just to survive mentally. Mood changes followed, some times even a day with the bright thoughts and joy, and next week deep under.

    I'm glad you're in the situation to start photography again. I'm also learning again to take my camera with me. And starting a new job next week :) I'm not the same person than year ago, but I hope I'm stronger now. And I was lucky, I have my family, no financial catastrophes, I didn't get sick any other way, I mean physically.

    All the best for you Livnius, I hope you'll find your way!


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  15. Ray Sachs

    Ray Sachs Legend

    Sep 21, 2010
    Not too far from Philly
    you should be able to figure it out...
    Good to see you Joe. Sorry to hear about your anxiety issues, but it can be handled. My brother has been dealing with it his whole life and has his bad days, but overall manages it pretty well. I'm lucky not to have anything chronic, but seem to have some election induced anxiety this year (seems like the US is flirting with a total freakout, as many western nations are). I've taken up meditation to help me through it and it helps a lot... Hang in there.

    And fine shots too by the way. Particularly like the last two...

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  16. dalethorn

    dalethorn Guest

    I didn't sleep much last week. Don't want to say much else, except I think the freak-out thing is a pretty good summary.
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  17. bluzcity

    bluzcity Top Veteran

    Jul 24, 2013
    Memphis, TN
    Joe I applaud your courage in disclosure. I think the 1st, 2nd, and last reflect struggle. I suffer an anxiety from Night Terrors Night terror - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that also affect my waking time. I had become somewhat of a physical threat to my wife during these episodes; hitting, punching, kicking, etc. I began taking a medication in February and have had good results. I wish you the best as you wrestle with this.
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  18. dalethorn

    dalethorn Guest

    Well, as long as we're confessing .... I solved my problem so far, in that I've been accustomed to sleeping on my side, I have a fairly thick blanket that I put my hands into and pull up to where there's a tension on my hands from the blanket, and I haven't experienced any random striking out since. Hopefully I won't ever do a kick.
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  19. wt21

    wt21 Hall of Famer Subscribing Member

    Aug 15, 2010
    Hi Joe. I've been off this board for some time, too. Came back on and was just thinking about you. Found this thread. Hope you are doing well.

    I've also found the physical side of yoga to be quite the help. See you around.
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  20. Coasting

    Coasting New Member

    Mar 10, 2012
    Thnx for your post it was very insightful and good luck with your journey.As a side note your images have almost convinced me that a D750 should be in my future thinking.Lovely images thnx